Global Security, Privacy, & Risk Management

The Trap of Reactive Abuse: When Victims Become Perpetrators in the Eyes of Others September 20, 2025

What is Reactive Abuse?

“Reactive abuse occurs when someone who has been abused begins to defend themselves by responding to abuse with physical and/or verbal attacks, says Alexa Connors, LMSW, a senior therapist at The Dorm, which offers intensive trauma therapy for young adults.”

“Baiting and Harvesting Cycle

Reactive abuse rarely occurs spontaneously but is often the result of deliberate provocation designed to elicit exactly this response. Skilled emotional abusers understand their victims’ triggers and systematically exploit them until the victim “breaks” in ways that can be documented and used against them (Durvasula, 2019; Simon, 2010).

This process, sometimes called “baiting and harvesting,” involves several calculated steps:

Strategic provocation: The abuser identifies the victim’s vulnerabilities, perhaps their love for their children, professional pride, or core values—and systematically attacks these areas. For male victims, this often involves sustained attacks on their masculinity, competence, or worth as partners or fathers (Morgan & Wells, 2016).

Escalation timing: Provocations are often timed to maximize their impact and the likelihood of an explosive response. Research by Bates (2020) found that abusers frequently escalated attacks when their male partners were already stressed from work, health issues, or other life pressures, making emotional regulation more difficult.

Documentation preparation: Many abusers ensure they have witnesses present or recording devices ready when they push their victims to the breaking point. Studies by McCarrick and colleagues (2016) documented cases where female abusers recorded their male partners’ angry responses while carefully editing out their own provocative behavior.

Narrative construction: Once the reactive abuse occurs, it becomes the central focus of the abuser’s story. The months or years of systematic mistreatment that led to the reaction are minimized or omitted entirely, creating a narrative where the victim appears to be the primary aggressor (Cook, 2009).”

If you are someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help. They can be insidious and you may not realize until you are out. I didn’t.