The Trap of Reactive Abuse: When Victims Become Perpetrators in the Eyes of Others September 20, 2025
Posted by Chris Mark in Uncategorized.Tags: abuse, Chris Mark, gaslighting, male domestic abuse, Mental Health, psychology, reactive abuse, relationships, trauma
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What is Reactive Abuse?
“Reactive abuse occurs when someone who has been abused begins to defend themselves by responding to abuse with physical and/or verbal attacks, says Alexa Connors, LMSW, a senior therapist at The Dorm, which offers intensive trauma therapy for young adults.”
“Baiting and Harvesting Cycle
Reactive abuse rarely occurs spontaneously but is often the result of deliberate provocation designed to elicit exactly this response. Skilled emotional abusers understand their victims’ triggers and systematically exploit them until the victim “breaks” in ways that can be documented and used against them (Durvasula, 2019; Simon, 2010).
This process, sometimes called “baiting and harvesting,” involves several calculated steps:
Strategic provocation: The abuser identifies the victim’s vulnerabilities, perhaps their love for their children, professional pride, or core values—and systematically attacks these areas. For male victims, this often involves sustained attacks on their masculinity, competence, or worth as partners or fathers (Morgan & Wells, 2016).
Escalation timing: Provocations are often timed to maximize their impact and the likelihood of an explosive response. Research by Bates (2020) found that abusers frequently escalated attacks when their male partners were already stressed from work, health issues, or other life pressures, making emotional regulation more difficult.
Documentation preparation: Many abusers ensure they have witnesses present or recording devices ready when they push their victims to the breaking point. Studies by McCarrick and colleagues (2016) documented cases where female abusers recorded their male partners’ angry responses while carefully editing out their own provocative behavior.
Narrative construction: Once the reactive abuse occurs, it becomes the central focus of the abuser’s story. The months or years of systematic mistreatment that led to the reaction are minimized or omitted entirely, creating a narrative where the victim appears to be the primary aggressor (Cook, 2009).”
If you are someone you know is in an abusive relationship, get help. They can be insidious and you may not realize until you are out. I didn’t.
My latest Book: Pain, Shame, and Regaining your Strength. A Warriors Guide to Surviving Male Domestic Abuse September 12, 2025
Posted by Chris Mark in Uncategorized.Tags: Domestic Abuse, Domestic Violence, Male abuse, Surviving Domestic Abuse, Warriors
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I recently published a book on Amazon that was very difficult to write yet, I believe, very important. Pain, Shame, and Regaining your Strength. A Warrior’s Guide to Surviving Male Domestic Abuse.
Every day, millions of men suffer in silence—victims of domestic abuse who feel they have nowhere to turn. Society tells us that men can’t be victims, that they should “man up” and handle it themselves. But the reality is far different and far more devastating.
This eye-opening book reveals the shocking truth: approximately one in ten men experience domestic violence, yet most never report it. They face disbelief, mockery, and even blame when they do speak up. From psychological manipulation that makes them question their own sanity to physical violence they’re told doesn’t count, male victims endure the same trauma as female survivors—but with virtually no support.
Through real stories and research, this book exposes how abusers use shame, isolation, and society’s blindness to trap their male victims. It reveals the sophisticated tactics that keep men silent: gaslighting that destroys their sense of reality, threats to destroy their reputation, and a system that often treats them as perpetrators rather than victims.
But there’s hope. This book provides a roadmap for recognition, healing, and breaking free from abuse. It’s essential reading for any man questioning if what he’s experiencing is abuse, for loved ones who want to help, and for anyone committed to understanding the full truth about domestic violence.
No one deserves abuse—regardless of gender.
Tim Walz: Stolen Valor and the Dishonesty of Claiming Combat Service August 10, 2024
Posted by Chris Mark in Uncategorized.Tags: CAR, combat action, iraq, Stolen Valor, Tom Walz, Trump, War
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EDIT(I have so little respect for this dummy I had his name as TOM). it is TIM…like…little Timmy the coward….
Recently, the Harris campaign attempted to assuage concerns over Tom Walz’ lying about his service by saying he simply “misspoke”. For those who are not veterans I feel it is appropriate to give some context to his lies. First, “Turn Tail Tom” claims, through the Harris campaign that: “Governor Walz would never insult or undermine any American’s service to this country —” Yet, through his lies he has done exactly this.
Before I go on let me be clear. EVERY veteran who has served our great nation is to be applauded regardless of the job. That $100 million jet does not fly without a technician fixing the computer system. As a former Scout Sniper, if there was not an armorer to keep my rifle in match condition, my job was degraded. While we all like to make jokes, there is a truism in the quote: “Bullets don’t fly without supply”.
Within the veteran community there are three basic groups. Those who have been in direct combat (Combat veterans), those who have served in Combat zones but NOT seen direct combat, and those who are in support roles who have not deployed (in the rear with the gear). For every ‘front line’ or ‘combat’ troop there are about 10 support personnel in the US Military. Only about 10% of the Army, Marines etc. actually are doing the fighting. This is NOT to denigrate those who provide the support rather to show how important those jobs are to the war effort.
Every veteran knows that to be a combat veteran is considered the pinnacle of respect. It is so pronounced in the USMC that the MarineTimes actually wrote an article in 2015 about the infighting called No CAR,No Respect detailing how, within the Marine Corps, those who had earned the Combat Action Ribbon were perceived to look down upon those who had not seen direct combat. In short, Tom Walz did NOT misspeak about having been a war veteran. He intentionally lied about having been in ‘war’. The question is why? We know why. He wanted the respect and cache that comes from putting oneself in harm’s way.
Being a combat veteran is so revered within the military services that each service has specialized medals, ribbons or badges that enable one to immediately identify whether a soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine is a combat veteran. In the USMC and US Navy we are issued a Combat Action Ribbon (CAR). In the Army they are issued either a Combat Infantryman Badge (CIB) or the Combat Action Badge (CAB) and so on for each service.
Tom is a progressive liberal who hates guns. That is fine. By stating his ‘credentials’ (avid hunter (sure he is), war veteran), he is demonstrating his authority on the subject. This is a logical fallacy called appeal to authority. Tom Walz, in a public statement advocating for stricter gun control measures, asserted,
“We can make sure that those weapons of war, that I carried in war, is the only place where those weapons are at.”
This statement was intended to bolster his argument for restricting civilian access to certain firearms by drawing on his purported personal experience in a combat setting. By claiming firsthand knowledge of the destructive power of military-grade weapons, Walz aimed to position himself as an authoritative voice on the issue, suggesting that his experience granted him a unique and legitimate perspective on the dangers of such firearms in civilian hands.
However, it was later revealed that Walz had never served in a combat role, casting serious doubt on the authenticity of his claims. This revelation not only called into question Walz’s integrity but also highlighted the problematic nature of using appeals to authority based on false or exaggerated credentials in policy debates.
I have investigated numerous stolen valor claims and have reported a number of people on the claims. The vast majority of stolen valor claims are for people who simply want to impress a person of the opposite sex. In some cases it becomes more sinister such as in Tom Walz case where he is using the claims of combat earned by few to attempt to demonstrate authority on a subject in which he has no authority.
Shame on the Harris campaign for attempting to divert attention away from Tom Walz’ fraudulent claims of valor. In their defense, the Harris campaign stated: “In making the case for why weapons of war should never be on our streets or in our classrooms, the Governor misspoke. He did handle weapons of war …Well, I supposes that makes him a combat veteran. I like fast cars. I have a fast car. I drive a Maserati. Based upon that, I suppose I can tell people I raced in the Monaco Grand Prix and am a race car driver? No, of course not. My ‘handling’ a fast car (BTW…it is NOT a race car any more than the AR 15 Tom is trying to ban is a weapon of war) does not make me a ‘race car driver’ any more than Tom is a war veteran.
He has stolen valor and should apologize personally for his shameful actions.
Harris Campaign Controversy: Tim Walz’s Military Claims Exposed August 8, 2024
Posted by Chris Mark in Uncategorized.Tags: Donald Trump, JD Vance, Kamala Harris, Stolen Valor, Tim Walz
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EDIT…after being EXPOSED for lying about this military experience, the Harris campaign has decided to modify Walz’ bio…
The Harris campaign has altered its biography of Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz on its campaign website, making a change to a reference to his military service amid ongoing scrutiny of the 2024 Democratic vice presidential nominee’s military credentials.
Walz’s biography initially said he was a “retired Command Sergeant Major.”
It has since been updated to say that he “served as a command sergeant major.”
As a former Recon Marine we run into this a LOT. You see guys who say: “I was Recon” When you ask them directly, they say “I served WITH Recon”. Big difference..
The Harris campaign tried to cover for Tim Walz by releasing the following statement:
“After 24 years of military service, Governor Walz retired in 2005 and ran for Congress, where he chaired Veterans Affairs and was a tireless advocate for our men and women in uniform – and as Vice President of the United States he will continue to be a relentless champion for our veterans and military families. Governor Walz would never insult or undermine any American’s service to this country — in fact, he thanks Senator Vance for putting his life on the line for our country. It’s the American way.“
Great. Doesn’t change the fact he lied about going to war and carrying a weapon in war. Shame on him.

